July 2002 Review by Paul Metzler, Assoc of Death Education & Counselors' The Forum
7/21/2002 Review by Dan Hays in Salem
(Oregon) Statesman-Journal
6/14/2002 Event review Fort Collins (Colorado) Coloradoan
5/31/2002 Review by Karen Cotton in Cheyenne (Wyoming) Tribune Eagle
See also OnLine Reviews from Web Reviewers
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Senior Connection Magazine Spring 2004
Waukesha County Department of Senior Services
Waukesha, Wisconsin
Mr. Sapienza has masterfully captured the essence of meaning and beauty of the
death process. Who knew that death could be such a rewarding experience? In
giving care and/or assisting a loved one at the end of life, Mr. Sapienza
illustrates how family or friends can enrich the end of life for the dying as
well as add purpose and hope for those still living.
Mr. Sapienza enlightens his readers to be present in the here and now. The
truth that so many of us fail to see, is that the dying aren't yet dead,
therefore they still ARE wonderful people. Crying and grieving before they
depart wastes energy and takes the focus away from the person who is dying and
needs loved ones present.
Urgent Whispers is a must read. If we as a society want to learn
how to enrich our lives, our relationships, businesses, etc, why then, should
we not take our desire to grow and be better persons in the arena of death as
well? After all, death is something that will enevitably touch us all. Why not
make it better, too?
-
Hospice Program Manager
I have seen lots of books that are supposed to help people understand how to be with a
dying loved one, cope with death or get through the grieving process. This is
definitely one of the few best! I think it does an exceptional job of advocating for
the needs of the dying person as well as preparing / supporting the "helper" in a
gentle and reassuring way. I think it has a broad application for the general public
as well as for training or sensitizing professional caregivers-- nurses, aides, parish
nurses, clergy and others.
Excerpted from April 2003 issue of "Hospice Alert", the monthly newsletter of
Hospice
Minnesota, disseminated to 70 member hospice programs and 30+ non-hospice organization
and individual members:
Urgent Whispers: Care of the Dying by Jerral Sapienza.
Published by LLX Press 2002, $14.95 (paper and spiral bound) Available
through bookstores or http://WWW.Bardo.ORG/UW/
( I recommend the spiral-bound version; it lies flat and would be much easier
to use as a journal. )
This is written as a "personal reference manual for friends and family
assisting a loved one at the end of life," but could also be used in
orientation and training of hospice volunteers and staff. The author includes
a comprehensive introducation that explains the book's content and format and
how to get the most out of reading it. Each section has questions to prompt
relfection and space for writing responses.
The body of the book, and its real gift, consists of 52 "whispers", most
written as if spoken by the dying person, about how to be with a loved one
who is dying and how to take care of yourself in the process. Hospice
veterans will recognize the wisdom in these whispers, but most people don't
know how to be with someone who is dying. That's why this is such a valuable
little book!
-- Fran Conklin
Program Manager
Hospice of Minnesota
-
Loving Wife and Mother
I can't thank you enough for writing this lovely little book. It has been a
true friend and companion to me this last few months during the death of my
husband. My kids bought several copies because when we loaned one out it had a
habit of not wanting to come back. Folks find so much comfort in the pages of
your dear book that even our priest is in awe of your words. I am enclosing a
little gift now, and rest assured, you will be hearing from me again: I am
remembering you in my will! I Thank You, Chaplain Jerral, most sincerely for
your gift to the world. You are blessed.
-- Barbara Kerlick
Loving Wife and Mother
-
Family Practice Clinician / Friend and Family Caregiver
I purchased Urgent Whispers at a time I felt I really needed it. It was
a huge help to me, as I was working and caring for an elderly couple the
last few years. As it turned out, the wife died the same day I received
the book in the mail. Just 45 days later, her husband died. I spent a
lot of time through the summer with my friends, after they had both gone
to a nursing home. As I had never experienced the failing health and
impending death of someone I grew to love so much, I really appreciated
the wisdom and comfort I got from your book. I read it all, then went
back and journaled my experiences. I realized this week, that I had not
finished journaling, so I completed it last night. It was painful
reliving those last days with my friends.
But your words were so accurate it was amazing. As painful as it was
for me to lose my friends, I have completely changed my own direction in
life, and I am now employed full time at a family practice clinic where
about one third of the patients are elderly.
I can now better deal with the deaths of those I have gotten to know,
glad that their suffering is over and that they are with their loved
ones who have gone before them. I never thought I could ever cope with
watching my friends die, but I am so grateful that I was there for them,
and I know they were glad I was there with them.
Thank you for providing me with the tools to get through that difficult
time.
-- June Spencer
Family Practice Clinician
-
RN, Volunteer Coodinator for Hospice Program
Thank you for writing the book. It is unfortunate that our culture has
forgotten how to sit vigil. Your book is a skillful teaching tool to help
individuals re-learn. I've no doubt it will be useful for many people.
-- Wendy Jenner, RN CHPN
Hospice Volunteer Coordinator
- Church Congregational Care Director
Your book was received well here - everyone that has a copy and everyone
that attended our Continuing Education classes where your book was used
enjoyed it, thought it was quite insightful and obviously written from the
point of view of a person who had been there.
We have had so many different kinds of responses, but the one common
thread is that the classes and your book have given people a greater
insight into the dying process. In fact, it has made some people think
about their own death in a whole different way. It has been a very
effective and uplifting experience.
The instructor originally had a lesson plan but after beginning the
class, he just let the class go at its own pace. There are some times that
they spend the whole time period (2-1/2 hours) on a single page of the
book!
There has been some incredible discussion - thought provoking ideas
shared, life/death experiences shared, that type of thing. It will
probably take several more months just to get through the book the first
time since this class only meets on a monthly basis.
Keep pursuing your dream - you are gifted...
Blessings, and Keep up the good work! --NK
-- Nadine Korhonen
Congregational Care Director
- Senior Social Services Director
It's about time that someone in Western society breech the taboo related to
death and dying. Death isn't a fun subject, by any means, but it is something
that all of us will experience. Like it or not, no one can escape losing a
loved one and certainly we all have to die, at some point, ourselves.
Mr. Sapienza has masterfully captured the essence of meaning and beauty of the
death process. Who knew that death could be such a rewarding experience? In
giving care and/or assisting a loved one at the end of life, Mr. Sapienza
illustrates how family or friends can enrich the end of life for the dying as
well as add purpose and hope for those still living.
Working in a nursing home, I've seen many people die. I've seen family members
grieving the loss before their loved on is even gone. I've seen family members
unwittingly talk about what a wonderful person WAS. Mr. Sapienza enlightens his
readers to be present in the here and now. The truth that so many of us fail to
see, is that the dying aren't yet dead, therefore they still ARE wonderful
people. Crying and grieving before they depart wastes energy and takes the
focus away from the person who is dying and needs loved ones present.
It's not that the author is pointing out what we do wrong in assisting loved
ones at the end of life; quite the contrary. Mr. Sapienza has a wealth of
experience and compassion that he is sharing to our culture in collectively
teaching us how to better care for those we love in their final time of need.
I have lost loved ones, but failed to be present for them in an altruistic
capacity, simply because I didn't know how. I wish I had known how to be
present for them, rather than focusing on my impending loss. All that
accomplished was to rob the dying and myself of endearing, special moments that
could have added so much meaning to process of dying.
We cannot implement what we do not know. In this age of self help gurus
sharing their wisdom with the masses, Urgent Whispers is a must
read. If we as a society want to learn how to enrich our lives, our
relationships, businesses, etc, why then, should we not take our desire to grow
and be better persons in the arena of death as well? Afterall, death is
something that will enevitably touch us all. Why not make it better, too?
Urgent Whispers is well written and breaks the barrier of fear to
unfold a
compassionate look at death. Fear breeds ignorance. This book takes the reader
beyond the unpleasant and scary thoughts commonly associated with death to
reveal a fresh approach in helping our loved ones make the transition to the
other side.
I cannot praise this author enough for giving the world such a useful,
wonderful tool. Everyone who reads this book will be a better person for it. I
can only hope that the persons who will care for me, when my time comes, will
have read this book and will follow it closely.
Kudos to Mr. Sapienza and thank you for the epiphany. I hope that everyone who
reads your book wil gain as much insight as you have given me.
-- Machelle Scully, Social Services Director
The Peaks Senior Living and Wellness Center
- Thanatology Student and Hospice Volunteer
I very much enjoyed reading Urgent Whispers: Care of the
Dying as it deals with the social, emotional and spiritual aspects
of death and dying for both the caregiver and the dying. The sacredness
of dying is what is encompassed within the pages of this book. The
interrelatedness/ closeness of the caregiver and the dying person is
beautifully articulated reinforcing the issue that the caregiver's level
of development regarding death and dying and ability to stay centered and
focused on the needs of the dying becomes a fundamental and core component
of effective care giving.
A couple of items which stand out for me include:
- The concept of being with the person but
not demanding that they be with you. It was brought forth around the
issue of touch but really underlies the whole concept of effective care
giving.
Another that bears emphasizing is that this is
a person with a whole life history behind them that is dying---not just
the "fragment" you now find before you. How true.
This is a person, a human being, and a "temple" housing a
spirit---not a disease, an illness, or an interesting medical specimen.
Again, one is there to witness the spirit's release from the body and to
assist in ways that will comfort and ease the fears that often arise
during this transition.
These (and others noted by Sapienza) reinforce my thought of the need for
the caregiver to just be present with one's whole loving, compassionate
self (mind, body and spirit) flowing with the needs of the individual
without letting a personal agenda get in the way.
-- Linda Rovai, Student
Thanatology Vocational Certificate program
World University at Ojai
ER / ICU Nurse & Conscious Dying Practioner
If I had never been at the bedside of a dying person and was committing to
stay there through their moment of death, Urgent Whispers: Care
of the Dying is the bittersweet guide that I would want as a map to guide me.
It is a primer on basic ABC feelings and reactions for both the dying
and the person sitting through a vigil of death. It is uplifting and soothing
and answers those questions anyone would have at this time. The book is a
source of comfort because you have a guide in the "doing." People need to
know they can "do" something.
What I like about the book is its basis of truth and reality for the
first time experiencer. A common, all too sad fact in our day and age, we
collectively as a world and nation know so little about the dying experience.
This book is so helpful for this person and can also refresh the experienced
person to grow and appreciate the basic uniqueness of each death experience.
All the basic questions families, friends and lovers ask are answered. It
opens the door for more to come after that if the family/friend is able to run
that course.
I promise you: the Book will be picked up and read later. Maybe not in a week
or a month or even three months or six months. But it will be reread.
Bereavement done healthfully is a re-membering to gain functional integrity.
The Book plays a significant role in this. The griever is the lover, lovers
are grievers/grievers are lovers, and going over the same stuff is part of the
process of their healing. Urgent Whispers is SO FINE FOR THAT!
-- Mary Helen Madrid-Null RN, CCRN, MA.
Director, Founder The Mary Helen Madrid Institute
and NOT ALONE Bereavement Support Services
30+ years now in Concsious Dying, ICU / ER.
Midwife & Hospice Volunteer
URGENT WHISPERS is a profound guide for those entering the new territory
of "sitting with death." Poetic and insightful, it leads the reader
through the natural progressions of discomfort and fear-- that stage of
not knowing how to help-- to saying good-bye, letting go, and looking
honestly at our own mortality. Jerral Sapienza adds further depth by
including thought-provoking questions to assist the reader in processing
his or her own responses to the dying of a friend or loved one.
-- Natasha Beauchamp
Professional Midwife and
Hospice CareGiver
Hospice Volunteer and
Partners to Improve End-of-Life Care Volunteer
As a hospice volunteer, I've had the privilege and honor to sit with people who
are dying. With each person, I've felt blessed as they shared their life
stories and whispers with me as they lived their dying.
Reading Jerral Sapienza's Urgent Whispers: Care of the Dying
allowed me to revisit the thoughts and feelings of people during the last
months, days, and hours of their lives. Many of his whispers were words
I heard directly from the dying while even more were unspoken messages I sensed
during my visits. Each whisper and Jerral's discussion of their message
to caregivers offers a clear pathway to "just being present in the process".
By reflecting on the questions provided with each whisper, you can interact
with the message to awaken your heart and mind to a fuller understanding of
death and dying.
As you embrace the lessons of Urgent Whispers, every experience
you have while sitting with someone who is dying will be more peaceful, caring,
and loving -- allowing the person to die their death with reverance for the
life they lived. Most certainly, it will change the way you view death and
perhaps, even the way you live the rest of your life.
-- Todd Peterson
Hospice Volunteer &
Partners to Improve End-of-Life Care Volunteer
Counseling Psychologist
What a blessing: Urgent Whispers: Care of the Dying. How often
I listen together
with patients who are facing their own death or the death of someone close to them. When I do,
Jerral Sapienza's book is in my heart and on my mind, always close. Jerral provides a guide for
how to navigate when we might otherwise be lost.
Reading his words is like listening to him talk: clear, quiet, and compassionate. I refer to his
book for help when I need it and I refer patients to his book when I know they need to be with the
best guide, for the clarity they deserve when death is near. Reading Jerral's book is like having
a good friend near. Jerral's work is wonderful.
-- Scott Pengelly, Ph.D.
Psychologist
General Practioner Nurse
Urgent Whispers is a book I wish had been included in my nursing school
training on dealing with death. The sensitivity with which Jerral Sapienza
confronts both the needs of the dying person and the care giver offer many
points to ponder for those who deal with these people.
Jerral's spiritual, yet non denominational view point should make it
acceptable to people of any faith, as well as to those who have no specific
dogma. It is easy to read, yet profound. I highly recommend it to anyone in
search of guidance toward the final journey.
-- Carolyn Janecek, RN
Physician and Surgeon
Urgent Whispers: Care of the Dying written by Jerral Sapienza,
is an eloquent dissertation on death and dying. As a physician, I have been
exposed to patients dying, but Jerral's perspective expressed in Urgent
Whispers added a new dimension to this subject for me. I had, perhaps
like many others, often considered death as "something out there" that happened
to others but never really took my own mortality all that seriously. Not only
did I find that Urgent Whispers provided a sensitive,
compassionate guide for attending someone dying, but it also stimualted in me an
introspection on how death and dying are an integral part of my daily life.
Jerral has obviously had significant personal experience with death and
dying, as well as studying the subect extensively. Urgent
Whispers is an incredible, concisely composed discussion which I
found invaluable. I highly recommend it.
-- Stan L. James, MD
School of Nursing Staff
Having just finished reading URGENT WHISPERS I must say: I LOVED it. I
love the concept and the format. It makes good sense that Jerral Sapienza
would be the one to do this: his clear connection with Spirit is strong
and present throughout this powerful little book. The "whisper and reply"
concept is a great medium to reach a person who is going through this kind
of a process with a loved one dying. Fabulous tool which I am sure will
be readily and easily received.
-- Patricia Simpson
Staff Writer/Editor,
UW School of Nursing
See also OnLine Reviews from Web Reviewers
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Praise from Readers in the
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